70 - Ministry Does Not Come Before Integrity Part I
In the last edition of R4R, we covered the announcement that Sam Allberry had been removed from ministry at Immanuel Church in Nashville. On the same day (Monday) I read that, Pieter Valk reposted this article on X, which first appeared on his blog on Sept 9, 2025. (He was responding to the same news about Allberry).
“I don’t have the secrets to lifetime celibacy.”
Pieter Valk is the founder of Equip, a ministry “Helping churches love gay people & celibate Christians find family.” Equip has been associated with ReVoice, the leading conference promoting “Side B” ideas about approaches to ministry and the belief that same sex temptation and confusion/insecurity about one’s gender is a permanent aspect of one’s personhood. Extensive coverage of their 2022 conference is available in the articles listed below[1].
To be fair, Valk has distanced himself to a degree from some of the leaders and teachings of ReVoice, although he continues to believe that one will never experience transformation in the area of same sex temptations. (Or he frames this as extremely rare.) He encourages people with these temptations to join a “brotherhood,” as he has, which consists of living with other men who experience same sex temptations, sharing a house together.
This is not a good idea. While there can be benefits to getting to know brothers and sisters in Christ who experience these same temptations, living together presents obvious problems. Pieter often writes about “vocational singleness” and has studied monasteries, seeking to recreate this model of living to combat loneliness.[2]
Here is an example of his encouragement:
Just find three other people willing to live in an apartment together and commit to celibacy for a year. Do some simple prayer together once a day, confess to each other once a week, do two meals together a week. Maybe serve in your neighborhood together once a month, go on a vacation together, do one of the big holidays together, read a book about discernment or intentional Christian community together. Celebrate kingdom work successes together and mourn loneliness together. You don’t have to do all of these. But gather some people, do something for a year, and see what happens.
While I encourage you to seek out pastors or Christian leaders to help and support you like Thomas did us, Thomas was the exception rather than the rule. He was uncommon. Don’t wait around for help, because by the time help comes, it might be too late.
Too late for what? We’ll get back to this in a moment.
Gathering for prayer, confession, sharing meals, serving, reading a book, going on vacation, or celebrating holidays together are all wonderful things. I’ve done each of these with friends as a single Christian. (I was single almost three times longer than I’ve been married). I did not need to move in with other women who experienced same sex temptations in order to do this.
Having a variety of friends who did not live with me was helpful in combating these temptations. Meeting the desire for close friendship that Valk describes can be found in a Band Meeting – a weekly small accountability group. These are the friends I can count on to drop everything and pray for me at a moment’s notice - the people who drive me to and from medical procedures when my husband is out of town, etc. We hold one another mutually accountable, and none of the ladies in my group have ever experienced same sex attraction. They are mature sisters in Christ, and we spur one another on to godliness.
The way Valk incites people to experiment “for a year” without waiting for spiritual oversight from a pastor (“Don’t wait around for help, because by the time help comes, it might be too late.”) strikes me as particularly irresponsible.
In another article on his blog in October, he describes what “too late” is referring to:
“I’m worried that if we continue waiting for Christian leaders to make our celibacy good for us, it will be too late. And while we’ve waited, we’ve made it too easy for the Enemy to tempt us to self-destruction.”[3]
It is not the responsibility of Christian leaders to “make our celibacy good for us” – just as it is not their responsibility to make anyone’s marriage “good for them.” This is working from an external locus of control – making others responsible for our reactions to being single. It is great for churches to offer opportunities for all in the congregation to get to know one another better, serving, praying, traveling, sharing meals, etc. But his teaching those who happen to be single a kind of learned helplessness, as though sinning is inevitable, is a terrible foundation.
The Lord has promised us a way out of any temptation:
No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation He will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. I Cor 10:13
Note it doesn’t say, “with the temptation he will provide the way out…as long as your pastor makes celibacy good for you…”
This Scripture has been a lifeline for me. There were times when I felt that sinning was inevitable – but in prayer, I asked the Holy Spirit to show me what was triggering the temptation, and what was the way out. He has answered that prayer every time. Developing healthy friendships and investing in a great church have been helpful, too, but ultimately, the way we respond to temptation is between the Lord and ourselves.
This post is getting long, and I’ve not even reviewed the article linked at the top of the page. We’ll save that for the next edition.
[1] Revoice ’22 Review – Part VII, Encouragement, Bridges, and Breaking Free, Nov 28, 2022
Revoice ’22 Review – Part VI, More Bad Analogies and Presumptions, Nov 23, 2022
Revoice ’22 Review – Part V, Bad Analogies and Presumptions, Nov 21, 2022
Revoice ’22 Review – Part IV, Exclusive Relationships, Nov 8, 2022
Revoice ’22 Review – Part III, Confusing Messages, Nov 3, 2022
Revoice ’22 Review – Part II, Confusing Messages, Nov 1, 2022
Revoice ’22 Review – Part I, Intro, Oct 27, 2022
[2] https://www.pieterlvalk.com/blog/building-committed-christian-community
[3]https://www.pieterlvalk.com/blog/from-involuntary-celibacy-to-thriving
